Seven Months! Really???

Seven months ago, our lives were forever changed

 

As this precious treasure became our baby girl.

We are forever grateful to the One who chose us to be her forever family.

 

The last seven months have been filled with lots of ups and downs.

Learning to be a family of seven is not easy.

 

 

There’s new artwork on the girls’ bedroom walls, and my dining room floor looks good with that nice stripe of silver sharpie.

There are fusses and lots of she took  my  ipod, ds, Barbie, toy, snack, drink, etc.

There’s lots of  - - -  if she doesn’t stop talking I think my ears might fall off (and yes, I’m talking about Lexi – her language is amazing). My favorite is when she tells the other kids to be quiet because it’s her turn to talk.

There’s lots of time outs and lots and lots of boundary testing, making mom and dad prove that they mean what they say.

 

But most days we are simply in awe  . . .  amazed  . . . at God's grace.
 

And every day is filled with love, laughter  . . .

And this silly smile. We love you, Lexi Ling and are so glad you're ours.

 

 

Firsts

Today marks four months since we first held Lexi in our arms. Man, how time flies! The last four months have held lots of first for our baby girl.

There was her first time at the beach . . .

First time with feet in the sand . . .

Her first trip to the aquarium (and ours too!)

First cone from the DQ

And her first VBS . . .

Her first Fourth of July and family reunion . . .

And of course there were many firsts that I just forgot to photograph - first haircut, first birthday party, first movie in the theater.

And then . . . there was the first that I've dreaded for the entire summer. In fact just the thought of it brought much concern and anxiety, so much so that the very thought of it turned my stomach . . . Lexi's first day at the sitter. Thankfully, Lexi is able to stay with our beloved sitter, who kept both Zach and Emmie. She's like family, and we have had no concern for Lexi's well being. However, we could hardly stand the thought that Lexi might think we were leaving and wouldn't come back. In fact, the very idea was heartbreaking.

Well . . . the first day (Monday) went much as we expected. There were lots of tears . . . but  . . .  they weren't Lexi's . . . they were mine.

I cried when Wayne sent the video of her walking up the sidewalk with her little bag on her shoulder. I cried when Wayne sent the video of her opening a new doll from our very wise and thoughtful sitter. I cried when Wayne sent the video of her saying, "Love you mama. I'm at Ms. Sharon's." The day went well and not one. single. tear. from. Lexi. She ate her lunch, took a nap, and enjoyed playing with her new friends. All in all, a good day. (Sharon did say that if she asked one time, she asked 50, "Where's my mama? Where's my daddy?")

But then came Tuesday . . .  Things went so well that I decided I would take her. Ms. Sharon's is on my way to work, and my dropping her off would make things much easier. However. . .it was terrible. She cried. She screamed. She said, "I go work, Mama." I was shocked, heartbroken. But as much as I hated to, I left her . . . crying. And I cried too. I squalled. I couldn't catch my breath. It was ugly.

And in the midst of my fit, before I had even made it to the school (5 minutes away), Sharon called to say Lexi was fine . . . watching TV . . . dry eyed and happy. Wayne took her on Wednesday. She cried but quickly recovered. Thursday was a repeat, and I suspect tomorrow will probably be the same.

Although we hate it that she's sad, crying when we leave is actually a good sign. It means that she's attaching.

In the days to come, I know the tears will lessen. She is so adaptable that I know she will soon get used to the schedule and fall easily into our routine.

So many firsts in these four months and  many more to come throughout her life. But thankfully, there won't be another first like this one. Hopefully, after this week, she won't ever have to wonder if we will come back. Although it's heartbreaking, this week has proven we are her FOREVER family.

Sometimes We Forget

While waiting to bring Lexi home, Wayne and I poured ourselves into the process of adoption. We wanted to be sure we were ready. We participated in online training, read several books about adoption, and received general counsel from both our social worker and the folks at our agency. We had numerous conversations with friends who had adopted, and I read blogs until I felt I knew other adoptive families personally! We were well versed in the ins and outs of adoption, and after 13 months of waiting, felt that we were at least somewhat prepared. We knew that the process would not be easy. Besides the general changes that occur when a new sibling comes home, we were ready for long nights filled with fear, ready for rejection despite our best efforts, and ready for complete isolation from the outside world if needed. 

And yet . . . our transition has been nothing of the sort. To be honest, it’s a thousand times better than we could have ever imagined. Lexi loves easily and freely. She gives kisses, hugs and cuddles. She obeys our instructions (for the most part) and is just, as a general rule, happy. It’s unbelievable really.

She already comprehends most of what we say – get your shoes, bed time, time to take a bath, and she is learning to speak the English language at break neck speed. Lexi has so easily become one of our gang. She has molded to our routines and truly seems to adapt well to new situations. We were somewhat concerned about youth camp, but she handled it like a champ. She was perfect on the six hour drive, slept through the night, took naps during the day, and fell in love with the water. 

Yes, there have been tears, rounds of time out, and several “discussions” between the girls, but all in all, the transition – the transformation – has been miraculous. In fact, the adjustment has gone so well, that sometimes we forget. 

That is until we have a day like Sunday. 

For the last 12 weeks, Lexi has spent nearly every hour, every minute with at least one of us. Besides a couple of hours that she spent with Memommy and Gandaddy while we were at camp and a couple of Sundays that she went by herself to Sunday School, we’ve never been out of her sight. 

As I mentioned earlier, the transition has gone so smoothly that I felt it was probably time to start leaving her in the nursery during church. I’ll be back to work soon, and she will be with a babysitter. I didn’t want the separation to come as a shock or a setback. 

So, on Sunday I did it. She did well. In fact she walked right into her room, eager to play with her friends. Her teacher even brought pictures to show how happy she was. I felt good, knowing we’d done the right thing. That is until the teacher says, “We’ve got to teach her my name. She calls me mama.” Well, needless to say, I wasn’t happy, but I guess it’s to be expected. She doesn’t know the word teacher! She went to AWANA that night as well. Again, she called the teacher mama, and then at dinner, she called her best friend's mom - Mama. 

And all at once, it was breathtaking . . . heartbreaking . . . and I remember.

I remember that this baby who I’ve known for less than three months, has experienced only 12 weeks of Mama. . . 12 weeks of family, brothers and sister and grandparents. She is still learning what it means to have a mama. 

Because I feel certain that Lexi was well cared for, I think I sometimes forget that she spent the first three YEARS of her life as an orphan – lots of people to care for her, people who made sure she was clean and fed, but never a Mama. 

She has no idea that Mama has a special meaning. It’s reserved for THE one - the one who loves you beyond earthly comprehension, the one who gives and sacrifices for your happiness and your safety, the one who would literally travel to the other side of the world to bring you home. 

Realistically, I know she knows I’m different. She is wholeheartedly my girl. I’m the one she turns to when she needs a snack, needs to potty, is sleepy, or just wants to be held. She kisses me a thousand times a day and says I love you, Mama about that many times as well. 

I also know that it was her first time to experience a group setting on her own and with her limited English, mama was a word she knew would gain her a listening ear.  

But I also realize that Mama is a new concept for our girl. And three months as compared to three years is really not that much time. And while our transition has been so easy that we tend to forget, Sunday served as a startling reminder that Lexi was born to another woman and lived many years in the care of other women.

It may be years before she can fully comprehend the meaning of mama. But for the sake of our girl, I will remember.  

I will remember as I go on kissing boo-boos, dressing baby dolls, painting toe nails, and reading the same book over and over. I will remember as I go on getting juice, fixing snacks, and taking numerous trips to the potty. I will remember as I go on loving; as I go on being mama, even when it’s hard, when it’s breathtaking and heartbreaking.  And even if she calls every woman in the world by my special name, I am her Mama. 

One day she’ll get it . . . one day she’ll understand.  But until then, I will remember. Being her Mama is a gift, a miracle far greater that I could ever conceive. Today, as I reflect back over the last 12 weeks, I am so grateful that she not only calls me Mama, but that I get the privilege of being Mama as well.  

Look Who's Six!

Six years ago, the Lord granted me a special prize. As a mother of three boys, I so wanted to add a little pink to our household. Emory Reagan has certainly added her share of pink  . . . and purple too! She is such a gift. Our sweet princess, a little rotten, but precious nonetheless. I am so grateful to be her mom.

The last couple of months have been hard on Em. Learning to share her role as the youngest and the only girl has been tough, but she has been so willing to share her tiara!!! She is an excellent big sister, and we couldn't be prouder of the way she has instantly bonded with Lexi.

Yesterday, we celebrated Emmie turning six with a family trip to the American Girl Doll store.  (Yes, we made the boys go too!).

This is the newest American Girl, Saige.

Emmie with her newest friend.

Emmie chose these sunglasses because she said they looked just like mine :)! She's definitely my girl!

The girls enjoyed a little ride in a street car at the mall.

What's a birthday without cheesecake?

My Fave Five!

 Happy birthday, sweet girl! We love you to the moon and back and to the moon and back again!

Happy Two Months, Sweet Girl!

Two months ago today, Wayne and I officially became the parents of this sweet girl. Looking back, we can see how sad . . . confused . . . heartbroken she was. It still hurts us to consider how scared she must have been. This is Lexi on that first day.

Notice the many layers of clothes and the eyes filled with tears.

Here she is a couple of days later. No longer crying but still sad. No smiles.

And here she is . . . two months later! Notice her pig tail. She insisted.

 
Sweet sisters on Mother's Day

The entire Bray Bunch (minus Dad who was snapping pics!)

We are still in awe of what the Lord has done and what He is continuing to do. Lexi is a PERFECT fit! At two months, she seems completely at home. She loves to play with her sister, watch Dora, and blow bubbles. She talks and sings all. the. time. She is oh so happy, and we are too! Happy Two Months, Lexi!

It’s the Little Things

Every single day for the last six weeks, I’ve laid down with Lexi for a nap. To be honest, I’ve never even attempted to have her lay down by herself. Up to this point, the routine has worked, so I’ve just stuck with it. In fact, I’ve kind of enjoyed that time with her. I’ve not always stayed in the bed with her the whole time, but I’ve always been there as she closed her eyes, sucked her thumb, and slowly drifted off. 

But . . . not today.

Lexi usually goes down for her nap around 10:30. So around 10:00 this morning, I told her I was going up to take a bath, thinking that by the time she got sleepy, I’d be ready to lay down with her. She usually interprets this statement as, “Come and play and splash and throw all your toys in the water while Mommy washes up and gets out as quickly as possible.”

But . . .  not today.

Today, she said, “Dora.” Okay, that’s cool. Come to my room, watch Dora while I take a bath, and then we’ll lay down for a nap. But no. She wanted to go in her room, lay in her bed, and watch Dora. So . . . I let her, fully believing that she would be in the bathroom before I had even started running the water.

But . . . not today.

I ran the water, looked over my shoulder  . . .  no Lexi. I washed up, a quick peek behind me  . . . she’s still a no show. My bath is almost over . . . and I am still by myself!!! Although I was getting a little concerned, I truly continued to believe she’d be there any second.

But . . . not today.

I got out, pulled on my clothes, rushed to her room . . . and she was  . . . still awake and watching Dora! (I had convinced myself that she must have fallen asleep!!!)

Today . . . I took a bath A) by myself and B) without an audience! It’s definitely the little things!

I know for most people that’s no big deal, but around here, we celebrate the little things.

As an added bonus . . . once I went in to check on her and cleaned up a slight accident with the pull-up, I turned off the TV and told her it was time to go to sleep.

And  . . . she did. All by herself!  I can’t believe it!

For the last week, she has also slept in her very own big girl bed in her very own room (that she shares with her sister) throughout the ENTIRE night.  Just another little thing that brings great joy!

Each and every day, we are completely amazed at what the Lord has done and is continuing to do. This girl is a walking miracle!

Our Goofy Girl

Lexi definitely has a silly side...

Pull-up on her head! I know you're wondering . . .yes, it's clean!

"Peace!" Every. time. we. take. her. picture.

Plugging her ears while Mama sings . . . I am NOT joking!

Hands on her hips . . . just like her Mama.

Silly . .  but oh so sweet!

One Month Together

While we’ve only known Lexi for one month, it seems like she has always been part of our family. To say that she fits right in is an understatement. She is clearly already one of the Bray bunch. Over the last couple of weeks, she has truly blossomed, and we are seeing more and more of her outgoing personality. Much like our other children, she is very busy. (We had definitely forgotten how exhausting it can be to keep up with a three year old.) She is certainly  a go-er!  If anybody leaves, she wants to go with them. She has even brought me my keys and pocketbook on several occasions. She loves to read, and she is so very happy. She smiles, laughs and sings. All. The. Time.

She is completely comfortable at home. She plays and plays and plays! The kitchen stuff is her favorite, and she has recently discovered the Barbie camper! I am so grateful that she feels right at home. 

Emmie and Lexi playing with the Barbie camper.

Lexi inside the Barbie camper!

I couldn't get Lexi to stand still for a good picture with the kitchen!

Many folks have asked how Lexi’s language is developing. We are so pleased with her progress. She not only repeats lots of things we say but she has many words and phrases that she uses without prompting.  She’s also very adept at understanding what we say and communicating what she wants and needs . . . drink, eat, potty, etc. 

  

Some of her favorite phrases . . .

Um . . . that’s good! Mimi . . . Mimi cool (Emmie’s at school.)Thank you, Baba. Open it, please.  One, two, three (as she’s jumping down the stairs)! Come on, Mama. Where’s Mama? (playing peekaboo)

And my favorite . . . I love you, Mama (Baba, Will, Jake, Zach, Emmie)

Some words that she uses . . .

Car . . .Barbie . . . Apple (for all foods in the refrigerator) . . . Juice (for any drink) . . .Shoes . . . Please . . . Bye, bye!

She also says everybody’s name ~ Mimi for Emmie and Newell for Will (not sure where that one came from)???

All in all the first two weeks home have far exceeded our expectations. Lexi is adjusting so well and totally adores her brothers and sister. She had a couple of meltdowns last week, and while that sounds terrible, it’s actually a good thing. She allows us to comfort her and is beginning to understand that even though her Baba and siblings leave, they will come back. 

The two of us are enjoying our days at home, playing, reading, and keeping up with the laundry. Lexi’s schedule is pretty predictable. She wakes up about 6:30 or 7:00 and then naps around 10:30. Her favorite time of day is when we leave to get the kids from school. She SCREAMS when Zach and Emmie get in the car! We have attended church services and several of the kids extra-curricular events but are spending most days just getting to know each other. And thankfully . . . this girl likes to sleep. She goes to bed at 9:00 and sleeps all night long!!! Hallelujah! 

We feel so incredibly blessed. Every time we think about what could have been, we are amazed at what the Lord has done. No . . . every day has not been easy. Grafting a new member into the family is definitely hard work, and we realize there will be even more difficult days ahead, especially as she gets older. However, we rest assured that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness and His mercies are brand new every morning. I am so thankful that He’s crafting a masterpiece out of our mess. May we glorify Him as we continue this incredible journey!